Session 15/21
Page 4/7 What can we learn from listening to experienced care leavers?Training skills and independence from early childhood
Leaving care is very difficult for young people who grew up without being part of their local community. In interviews, SOS mothers told us: “Both we and the children feel isolated from the community”. The idea of protecting children in care – but help them grow up in their local culture – is now spreading across the world. This is why local foster parents and SOS Mothers who move out, find it much easier to help young make a network in the community.
Here is an example:
To let children and caregivers become a natural part of the community, many Children’s Village mothers are now moving out as foster mothers. Here you can see an experienced SOS-mother describe how she and her children enjoy developing practical skills:
As you heard from Matulipo, her children already have friends in the community. They naturally learn the skills of planning, producing hens and eggs for sale, learn how to sell, and make a budget. This daily community contact can also happen while growing up in an SOS Village, or in a foster family. Children should get used to participate in community life. If they have caregivers who participate in the local community and take the children along on a daily basis, the transition in youth will be much easier.
GROUP DISCUSSION
20 minutes
- How can children get to know and play with children in the community?
- What skills can we teach children while they are in care, to prepare them for after care?
- For example: make a weekly household budget, buy groceries at the food market, cooking food, pay bills, learn to use public transportation? Please use your own ideas for skills needed to cope with life after care.
To prepare children for life after care, we must also consider the way they are brought up: do we service them and decide for them, or do we also train them to make their own independent decisions?
FROM OBEDIENT CHILDREN TO INDEPENDENT YOUTH
In traditional culture, parental authority often meant that children should be obedient, not talk unless asked when adults are present, and learn to do what they are told at all times. But in order to prepare children in care for adulthood, they must be trained to have their own opinions and ideas. How can this be done? Children must learn from an early age that caregivers listen to them, value their opinions, share and discuss their worries, and help them find their own solutions. Caregivers should encourage children to take their own informed decisions, to assess the risks and advantages of what they experience, and evaluate the outcomes in open-minded dialogues. Asking questions and listening instead of demanding is a good training.
Listen to care leaver Saleh. While growing up, his SOS mother had many dialogues with him about his own hopes and ideas, and their mutual discussions gave him a secure base. As a result, he was not afraid of leaving care. He is self-reliant, but he also has a very realistic view of his future challenges, and he has planned how to cope with them.
GROUP INTERVIEW
PLANNING FOR TRAINING CHILDHOOD SKILLS
Two-on-two, 15 minutes
- What practical skills did your parents teach you?
- Did they listen to you and encourage you to make your own decisions?
- How do you bring up children today – what is different from your own upbringing?
- How can we listen to them and help them take decisions in daily situations?
Please use your own experience and ideas for childhood skills development, and dialogues to help children make their own decisions. Here are some discussion topics to inspire you:
- How can we train children in the practical skills they must have when they one day leave care? What skills are most important after care?
- How can we use daily dialogues and discussions to help children make their own decisions, assess risks and benefits, and take responsibility – instead of just doing what they are told?
Please write down your plan, including a timeline for who will do what in daily practices. As children grow up, preparations to leave can continue in teenage years, in regular meetings in the foster family, and also in youth group meetings guided by SOS staff.