Session 20/21
Page 3/7: Topic A: Preparing ourselves for moving outTopic A: Preparing ourselves for moving out
Creating Psychological Safety
Moving from your job in the secure Village and its familiar daily routines will cause uncertainty and hopes as well as worries. This is a natural and healthy reaction when adjusting to a major change. Psychologically, our professional task is to shift from the secure Village Base and create a new Secure Base as independent community Parents. In this process, the most important part of our preparation is to discuss and plan together, until every SOS Parent feels safe and comfortable about moving out. Why is this so important?
SOS Mother talks about how to prepare the children before moving out of the SOS Village
Children only feel secure if their caregivers feel secure
Children and teens in care are very sensitive to the emotions of their daily caregivers. If caregivers have fears and worry much about the future change, their children may lose the feeling of having a secure caregiver base. The children will respond with insecure attachment behaviours such as quarrelling, being disobedient, be sad, or by losing trust in the caregiver. A caregiver cannot pretend to be calm when facing a major change in life and work, unless all doubts and problems have been discussed and solved. How can we do this?
We all respond differently to change
It is natural to be both nervous and excited about moving out at the same time. Here are two responses, shared by SOS Parents in Botswana
Mother A: “I lived in this Village as an SOS Mother for 16 years – this is my loving home, and all my friends are here! I can’t sleep at night because I worry about all sorts of questions: what shall I say to the children – will they cry? Will my new neighbours accept me? How will I make an income? What if I’ll need a doctor for a child – whom should I call, and who will pay him? Perhaps life will be better?”.
Mother B: “I’m so relieved – as a foster mother I can now make my own decisions, and I’ll no longer be isolated from the community. Of course, I will miss all my colleagues in the village. But I can make a whole new network, and neighbours can benefit when I share my professional skills. My relatives can now visit any time I like. I always dreamed about starting a small business, and maybe now I can do it. My children will be so excited about making new friends, and feel that they are like all other children in the community!”
Before preparing the children, we must prepare ourselves in order to be genuinely calm, optimistic, and sensitive before we share the news with them.
Starting the Secure Caregiver Group
To adjust well during the process, this group provides a space to share all your worries, hopes and plans freely. This group will have regular meetings all the way, until you are well established as SOS Parents in the community. Meetings can be guided by your local reintegration team, or by a staff member educated as a Fairstart Instructor. What is shared in the group must be confidential. Here’s a proposal for your first agenda:
Group discussion 30 minutes: Our experiences and future expectations
Please present and discuss freely for half an hour – or more if needed:
- How long have you been an SOS Parent?
- Living in the Village, what are the benefits you enjoy the most?
- What has been limitations – what have you missed in this lifestyle?
- On a scale from one (no worries) to five (very worried):
- How stressed are you when you think about leaving the Village?
- What do you think you will enjoy the most about living in the community?
- How can we share, prepare and support each other along the way?
These topics must be discussed until all participants feel well prepared – perhaps several meetings are required.
Work Plan Topic A
Each mother can make a personal work plan, to prepare for the next meeting:
Questions I need to discuss and clarify in the group, so I can feel well informed, calm and prepared about moving out?
After making work plans, please schedule your next group meeting for Topic B.