Session 7/15

• Practice the five dimensions of “secure caregiver behaviour” (see session 6, Topic Introduction B: The dimensions of secure caregiver behaviour). It is difficult to be around a very withdrawn or a constantly clinging child without being negatively affected. You should talk to others (spouse, friends) regularly about how you feel yourself, in order to reduce your own stress when the child does not respond normally.

• Use physical contact such as baby massage or carrying the baby on your body which stimulates the normal function of the attachment system. Be very patient, it may take months or years before the child shows more normal attachment behaviour such as enjoying being hugged, kissed, sitting on your lap, or being cuddled (see session 5 for inspiration).

• Be very expressive, emotional, and even exaggerate you responsiveness when you are interacting with the infant. You can watch the Still Face Experiment again and notice how the mother in the beginning uses her voice and body language to engage the baby in interaction.

• Show the infant that you are “always around” and expect it to have a greater need for security and your presence for a longer time than children normally have.

• Play “Hide and seek” frequently with the infant. This kind of play will help the child cope with separations as being joyful and fun. Also, this activity helps the child form an “internal representation” of you as always being there making it less dependent on your physical presence. You can also hide objects and let the infant look for them – this also helps the child to understand that people and things are still there even though you can’t see or hear them.

• If the infant is old enough to understand: Instead of leaving the infant’s room at bedtime, you can play this game: the child should “send you away” from the bedroom, and call for you to come back if it becomes afraid. This way it can feel a sense of controlling the separation instead of just being passively “abandoned”. You can then commend it for being brave enough to send you away from the bedroom for still longer periods of time. You can tie a leash to your dress so the child can pull you back to the bed. This game makes great fun!

When you have decided how you will try to combine the above methods, write them down and also write down what the infant responds most positively to. If possible, use your smart phone to record your activities and look through them to understand how the child responds. Make close-up recordings so that you can see the infant’s facial expressions.